GHOSTING

Urban dictionary defines ghosting in the following way, "The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels"  Ghosting is super not nice, don't do it! 

 I was ghosted this summer. We will call him "The Adorable Brit" for the sake of privacy, and because I did think he was adorable.
2 months later, I get a text from The Adorable Brit, trying to engage in conversation with me, wondering what happened?
He sent this text to me AND another girl, at the same time.  Read below - Bold is the actual text- not bold are my inserted thoughts:

Adorable Brit: "Lucio says, que paso?"
Me: "You ghosted me :("
Adorable Brit: "No bueno"
Me: No, I liked you
Adorable Brit: I didn't think so, sorry. I'm the worst"
You didn't think I liked you? We had plans for that Thursday and I sent messages about how excited I was to see you?!
Me: "Not nice :(. I get that guys serial date."
Adorable Brit: "I'm sorry. Hope you are well. I'm not a serial dater at all. Just thought you weren't interested."
Again, he's blaming his ghosting on me??? Huh?
312 number- "I don't know who the 847 number is but sorry I got caught up in your break up texts"
Me: "There must've been a miscommunication then because I was trying to make plans but then never heard from you #ghosted :(.
It's ok 312. 
Like reached out a bunch.
Radio Silence
Adorable Brit: Oops. My bad
312: "#classy"
Adorable Brit: "I really didn't mean to upset anybody or be "that guy". I'm sure you didn't loose much sleep.
Me: "Either way- hope you're well and hope you had a lovely visit with your friend and mom"
312: "Don't worry _____ you are that guy"
Me: Emoji surprised
312: "Lost 0 sleep"
Adorable Brit: "My mom is right here and having a good time"
Me: "I'm sure he didn't.
Oh nice!
Lovely days for her I'm sure."
312: (Sends a picture of herself and a friend.) "We're on a wine farm of course I've been drinking but I' still coherent.
Eat your heart out mother fucker.
Thanks for the lies and also the ghosting
Me: "That's a great photo and looks like a fun place"
312: "you fool"
wait huh, did she just call me a fool? who is this chick? What's going on? 
Me: "Did _____ ghost you too?"
312: "Thanks Steph.... I'm guessing. 
Definitely"
Me: "Are you talking to two past bumble dates at once?!"
312: "Yep"
Me: "Oh my goddess this is going on my blog"
312: "Please don't"
Me: "I'm Veronica, nice to meet you"
312: "I will sue you if you post my photo.
Sorry.
Nice to meet you.
But not approved."
Uhm, don't send photos to a strand that has a number that you don't recognize dumb dumb????  
Me: "no no, I don't post photos and only have one post.
Now I'm wondering you that first text was meant for?! ____ Tell Lucio hi for me either way.
O mejor dale un abrazo grandote- espero que estas practicando tu espanol.
312: "Do you know Lucio?"
Me: "He cooked us dinner once.
You too?"
312: "He was my friend"
Adorable Brit: "Well I was in hospital after taking an overdose of meds but that doesn't make things ok I guess. Just wanted to text and say sorry."
Me: "We only hung out once-
He's a lovely human.
What?!?!?!?!?
312: "To both of us at the same time?"
So he's apologizing to us at the same time?!
Adorable Brit: "That was a mistake but it's happened so what can I do other than apologize again"
312: "Brexit"
Good one 312
Me: "lol
I hope you're joking about being in the hospital- not super funny but hope you're ok.
Adorable Brit: "In no way a joke. I was in icy (ICU) for three days after having seizures but I don't deserve sympathy because I clearly acted in a shitty way"
Uhm, yikes. Red flags- hope he gets help because must be struggling with alcoholism too?  :( And yes, that was a shitty way to act, but yikes!
Me: "I'm very sorry to hear that and everybody deserves sympathy.
Hope you're better now."
Adorable Brit: "Ok I should leave now, sorry for causing more problems"
312: "I don't believe you because you lied to me and made me think you liked me and then dropped me, it's called karma. Be nice and true to others and it shall return to you 10 fold. 
Fuck off ____. Good luck Veronica"
He made me think he liked me too. 
Me: "Good luck and good night!"
Adorable Brit: "Peace out. Call Northwestern ER for confirmation but hell to those who make fun of bad situations."
That's not the best response either. Hmm, too many drunk messages. Time to disengage
Me: "Hoping good situations for everybody- ____ Good luck to even you- hope you can be honest with the next one."


Moral of the conversation.....Don't ghost. But if you are really sorry, don't engage in a drunk text messaging to multiple folks at once. Be a grown up, and call the person on the phone.  Best of luck Mr. Adorable Brit and 312, hope your bumble adventures are going better than mine!

Introduction

Tinder, Ok Cupid, Zoosk, Match.com, Elite Singles, Christian Mingle, Plenty of Fish, Bumble, EHarmony, JDate... yes JDate.

I at one point, in the last 10? years have had (or have) a profile active on one of these dating sites. 

After a long term relationship in my early 20s.... a series of relationships that were friendships with benefits, intimacy without commitment, and questionable choices in my later 20s / early 30s.

Then falling in love,  having my heart broken, falling into patterns of weak personal boundaries, and unhealthy self-respect, here I am again healthy, happy and peaceful, attempting to find those sparks, those butterflies and that ultimate connection.

After therapy, self-exploration, communication skills practice, I finally know my who self, recognize and honor my inner glow and can't wait to find somebody that I'm excited about and wants ALL of me back.